Fuck 'em all. (rant ahead)

Fuck all remakes. You heard me. Fuck them all. Even the good ones. They're meaningless. They do nothing. There is no point in remaking a movie. It is stupid. You have to be the dumbest motherfucker on earth to want to remake a film. You have to possess a creative ability of zero to want to do a remake. You are not a creative person. You have no independent thought. You cannot think for yourself. You cannot create something of your own. It is not that artistic concept called appropriation. Appropriation involves thought. This is downright plagiarism. You are a boring person. People can't stand being around you. People would rather set themselves on fire than have a conversation with you.

In all seriousness, this has to stop. It is getting out of hand. It is as if Hollywood is monitoring the films that I am interested in and personally prefer, and remake them. If I were paranoid I would consider this a personal attack. It's funny how George Romero gets crapped on when he makes an honest to goodness effort at originality with Land of the Dead, while the music video shit remake Dawn of the Dead gets thumbs up its ass. Critics are stupid, fans are just as stupid, but filmmakers just might be the dumbest. Sometimes I feel like the only person in this medium who isn't a brainwashed automaton.

I know I've said this before, but the only people to blame for the lowest of the low standards in movies today are the viewers. It's your fault because you just had to see X-Men 3, regardless of whether or not you even had a desire to see it. It's your fault Rob Schneider movies make money, because you had nothing better to do than fork over your hard-earned money for a few fart jokes. It's your fault that Hollywood is recycling movies that are long forgotten by the mainstream public and passing it off as cutting edge.

I am so desperate for real entertainment that I am going to fork over my money and see that Snakes on a Plane. Sure, it's stupid, it's just snakes on a plane. But hey, it's not a remake and there will be snakes and there will be a plane.

During my earlier film school years I was still getting used to watching all those funky avant garde films in class. Every now and then I would hear the occasional jerkoff in my class ask "When are we going to watch a real movie?" Well, from now on I am going to consider remakes to not be real movies. They're fake, synthetic, cinematic by-products. The film equivalent of turkey bacon. It's not the real thing. It's a substitute.

So my question is, when are we going to see a real movie?

Oh by, the way, if it happens to be in your neck of the woods (probably not) go see The Proposition. It's a good, genuine, down and dirty western story. And I don't think it's a remake.